In the high-stakes world of leadership, mistakes are inevitable, but their consequences can feel overwhelming and unredeemable. As leaders, we operate on a “clear centered stage,” meaning our every move is visible, and what might not seem like a mistake to us could be viewed as one by others. The good news is that recovery is not only possible but can also be a significant opportunity for growth, both for ourselves and for others.
Responsible leadership is fundamentally dependent on a recovery process and how we own our mistakes. On this episode of the Life + Leadership podcast, we will discuss a process that involves three key focus areas: owning up to the mistake, learning and growing from the experience, and rebuilding trust and confidence. Transparency and accountability are crucial qualities for any executive recovering from a misstep.
Owning Up to the Mistake
The first step in recovery is to clearly identify the mistake within yourself. The context of a mistake can vary widely; it could be a personal inappropriate comment, something said harshly that affected a group, or even a blunder made on behalf of hundreds of people. Regardless of the specific error, leaders must be able to articulate the mistake without shifting blame, completely owning what happened.
A critical part of owning the mistake is understanding its impact on multiple stakeholder groups. It is highly recommended to start with your direct superior. For many executives, typically the CEO. If the blunder is urgent, ensure they understand its immediate necessity for attention. When speaking with your CEO, you should present accountability, ownership, and your proposed solution for recovery. While you can ask for their input, you shouldn’t expect them to devise your recovery strategy. Your plan might sound like: “Here’s what happened, here’s how it impacts, here’s my plan to remedy it. Is there anything you would add or anyone else I should speak with?”.
Depending on the nature of the misstep, a conversation with HR might also be necessary, especially if it involves an employee complaint. After these initial discussions, you can then approach other stakeholder groups such as peers, entire teams, or specific individuals. It’s vital to be thoughtful and planful about the two or three key points you want to convey to each group. Being succinct and authentic is crucial to avoid rambling or worsening the situation.
Asking for forgiveness is appropriate in some situations. Examples of owning up to mistakes include:
- An executive apologizing for inappropriate comments or tone used during stressful times, taking responsibility for managing their own stress.
- A team leader owning their team’s disrespectful behavior, such as giving another department the “silent treatment,” stating that their actions were “out of alignment with our organization’s values”. This leader used “we” language, demonstrating alignment with the team’s recovery, even if personally not at fault for ignoring emails.
- A CEO humbly apologizing for strategic bets that did not pan out, leading to consequences like bonuses not being paid, acknowledging they did their best with available information.
The assessment of a mistake should consider who was hurt and the circumstances around it. This also helps determine if a remedy is required, whether it’s a process change, an operational adjustment, or simply a conversation.
Learning and Growth from Professional Blunders
After owning the mistake, the next phase focuses on learning and growing.
- At the team level, a post-mortem is highly beneficial. This may involve multiple meetings to understand what went wrong, what was lacking, what was longed for, and what commitments the team will make to prevent recurrence. This is known as the 4L’s method, Liked, Lacked, Longed for, Learned. We’re sharing a 4Ls retrospective template for you to download as part of our Team Development in Action Guide.
- Personal shortcomings can be a more challenging area for reflection, as individuals may have limited ability to see themselves as the problem. In such cases, an outside party, like a coach, can be immensely helpful. A coach can “hold up the mirror” and provide an objective perspective, guiding the individual to understand how their behavior is causing missteps and that apologies alone are no longer sufficient.
These real-world examples highlight the need for external intervention:
- One executive repeatedly made “relationship sins” and struggled to operate from an emotionally healthy place, requiring an outside perspective to understand his role in the problem.
- A head of sales, whose anger issues impacted relationships, received psychotherapy investment from the organization due to his value. In this case, “tough love” from the CEO was instrumental in helping the executive understand the need for behavioral change, despite his strong performance.
Rebuilding Trust and Confidence
The ability for leaders and stakeholders to move on from a misstep varies significantly depending on the organizational culture. In values-rooted cultures, forgiveness tends to be granted more quickly, especially if the mistake wasn’t a repeated relational violation. Sometimes, a simple acknowledgement is enough for stakeholders to move forward.
However, for repeated violations, rebuilding trust is a longer process. Stakeholders look for sustained improvement over time, understanding that perfection is not immediately attainable. Setting realistic expectations for change and asking for grace during the process is important.
Signs that recovery is happening at a team level include increased engagement and new energy. Conversely, silence in the workplace is a “loud signal” that more healing, conversation, and trust-building are needed. If silence persists after an apology, private conversations with key opinion leaders can help uncover the underlying issues, as they might be more candid about what’s truly happening in the room.
Often, owning a mistake can lead to a positive outcome, where the leader emerges even “shinier” than before. However, if that’s not the immediate result, understand that rebuilding trust is a work in progress.
Ultimately, the practice of recovering from mistakes in a professional setting is much like doing so in your personal life. It requires the same level of vulnerability, kindness to oneself, and the hope of receiving grace from others. Drawing on experiences of apologizing and seeking forgiveness in personal relationships can provide strength and learning for navigating similar situations at work. This valuable mindset helps develop relationship skills that translate across all aspects of life.
Learn how Bright Arrow Coaching’s executive coaching services can help you prepare or manage professional blunders or mistakes by contacting us or visiting our services page.
In this Episode:
Tegan Trovato, Founder and CEO of Bright Arrow Coaching:
Bright Arrow Bio
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Podcast Transcript:
Everyone makes mistakes, but for leaders, the stakes are higher and the consequences can be and certainly can feel more significant. So if you’ve made a professional misstep, it can feel unredeemable, but recovery is not only possible, it can be an opportunity for growth.
And in this episode, we’ll discuss the steps leaders can take to bounce back from a professional blunder and turn it into a learning experience, perhaps not just for themselves, maybe for others as well. So three focus areas for this, how to own up to that mistake, how you can learn and grow from the experience, and the process for rebuilding trust and confidence as you recover from your mistake or blunder.
Let me say first and foremost that one of my lines that I think I made it up, but I use it all the time, is that leadership is about recovery and how we own our mistakes because we are going to make mistakes and they are going to be visible.
The Weight of Mistakes in Leadership
We are on a very clear centered stage all the time as leaders and so people see our every move. And frankly, things that are a mistake at the executive level or some things that could happen at the executive level may not be a mistake to us, but they will be viewed as a mistake by others. So we really have to be able to take multiple perspectives in understanding our performance and understanding the need to recover.
I think transparency and accountability are two qualities we want every executive to possess at all times and so of course those are going to be key to recovering from some kind of misstep. I think one of the considerations we should have is be really clear within ourselves about what was the mistake and remember you may be owning a mistake on behalf of hundreds of people. It may not be a mistake you personally made or the mistake could be you said something really inappropriate or something that came off so harsh it crushed a whole group of people.
Like we are also humans so the context of our mistake can vary widely, but one thing that is the same regardless of the mistake is that we have multiple stakeholder groups that we may need to get right with. And so number one we need to be able to be clear within ourselves on what was my mistake, how will I articulate that mistake without throwing others under the bus, totally owning what it was about and then thinking about which of your stakeholders that impacts. I recommend we start at the top so always you want your boss to know so most of the folks we coach are reporting to the CEO and so really sitting with your CEO first to say hey here’s what happened and by the way if it’s urgent make sure they understand it’s like a same-day conversation.
Accountability and Communication Strategies
If it’s a more urgent blunder that needs some attention and some addressing right away that’s very real. You don’t want to make a mistake and let it hang out there for other people to talk about before you get in front of it a lot of times. So make sure your CEO understands the urgency of it if it is truly urgent and sit down with him or her first and own it.
This is your practice ground. They will want to hear accountability and ownership and your solution for recovery before you go to anyone else. And keep in mind the solution is also key here as you talk with your CEO.
You should not be looking for that to them most of the time to advise you on your recovery strategy. You can ask for them to weigh in. So it may simply sound like hey boss I made this mistake.
Here’s what it’s sourced in. Here’s how I believe it impacts. I am working quickly to try to remedy this and make right with the people around me.
Here’s my plan. Is there anything you would add? I would love for you to collaborate with me on this and tell me if there’s anything I’m missing.
If there is anyone else you think I need to speak with other than the people I’ve outlined. Should I refine my strategy for any of these stakeholders because the way you recover may be different for each stakeholder group. That’s conversation one.
Conversation two may need to be with HR. I don’t know. That is definitely between you and your CEO to decide.
It depends on the tone and quality of what it is you’re having to recover from. It could be an employee complaint. There’s a myriad of things for which you may need to consult with your HR partner to make sure everybody’s on the same page.
Assuming it’s not something like that you should be able to move forward and chatting with your other stakeholder groups. That could be your peer group. It could be an entire team.
It could be a specific person. And so really being thoughtful before you go to each stakeholder group about the two or three points you want to make is really important. Here’s what I’ll say.
It is uncomfortable to have to apologize or to own a mistake. And if you are not planful about what it is you need to impart, you will ramble. You may possibly make this worse for yourself.
So being crisp and being really authentic is important. And if you need to ask for forgiveness, you should ask. It’s really that simple.
And we are very relationship focused in our guidance to executives and leaders. And sometimes an apology is appropriate. Not always, but sometimes.
I want to give some examples of where we’ve had to see leaders recover from mistakes or blunders. So we have had to help executives recover when they have been inappropriate to each other in relationships. So stress is high.
We have literally been in the room with executives when they have said things to each other they should not have said. And we have had to help them walk it back and do some relationship work. So we have seen executives literally apologize to each other.
I’m sorry that I said this. It was inappropriate that I used that word or this tone. I am really stressed.
And that is not your problem. It’s my job to manage my stress. And so I apologize that I took that out on you.
Can you please forgive me? And let’s heal this because I want to move forward in our working relationship. What do you need from me in order to make this right?
That’s it. That’s a relational thing. Now as an executive or a team leader, it’s not unusual.
You may have to apologize for something your team did. So an example of that comes out of an organization we worked with once who had two departments who were really warring with each other. Not unusual.
You can find these departments inside of every company. But it had gotten to a point of toxicity to where one team in particular was just non-responsive, so disrespectful they weren’t even replying to emails. They just decided they did not want to work with this team they were in squabble with anymore.
So they started giving the silent treatment. So multiple people on that team were refusing to reply to multiple other people’s emails. And so by the time we got in there to do some team reconciliation work, the team’s leader had to get up in front of both teams and say, I am going to speak on behalf of my team in owning that the way we have been behaving as a team is out of alignment with our organization’s values.
When we sit by ourselves and reflect, we have felt hurt. And that is what caused us to behave in this particular way. And it’s not okay that that’s the route we took.
So our team has worked on this privately and we’ve decided on the path forward we will always be responsive. We reply to every email within the same business day. If that does not happen for any reason and you sense that it’s about this problem, I want you to come to me directly and I will personally take on checking into that.
Because our vision is to be one team despite being two teams, right? So you get the flavor of this person’s crispness and like directness about it. No one got rolled under the bus.
It was we language. You can bet that that leader was not the one ignoring emails, but she owned it like she was one of them. Like aligned as a team in their recovery from that blunder.
And then some of them have to come from a CEO. So we’ve seen more than one just be really humble and say, you know, I’ve placed some bets as the CEO on how this thing might go. And it didn’t go that way.
And now no one’s getting their bonus. And all I can say is that I’m sorry and I did the best I could with the information that I had. And I hope you can try to put yourselves in my shoes.
And one day you will be in my shoes. I remember him saying that. And that you will still trust me that we keep trying to get this right.
Tell you what, that’s one of the hardest ones I’ve ever sat through or helped an executive prep for. That was a tough one. And that’s one most CEOs can relate to in some capacity because they are making a lot of decisions without a lot of information at hand.
When Change Requires Time and Grace
And it doesn’t always go well. And so sometimes recovering from a blunder, the blunder was still our best freaking effort. Like what a wild concept that we might have to recover from that.
But wow, is that true so often. So really being able to assess how we made the mistake and with who felt hurt by us and what led to that hurt. And does it require in your assessment, does it require a remedy, something process or operations oriented in order to fix it?
Is it merely a conversation that’s required? And it may vary by stakeholder group depending on who was involved in the misstep or the shortcoming. Okay, so let’s say we’ve taken those first couple steps to really analyze what went wrong.
Try to make, you know, own up to our mistake, being accountable for what happened. What’s the real learning and growth opportunity here? So I would say this.
If this happened at a team level, I would be all up in that team’s business as the team leader to do a postmortem on this. It may be multiple meetings that you have with the team to help them understand what went wrong. You know, a lot of times when a team fails at something, it is a mix of behaviors and decisions.
The behaviors are the easily fixable ones because you do not want to revisit those in the future. So some kind of postmortem exercise can be really helpful about like, what were we lacking that led to this? What did we long for that we didn’t have that could help prevent this from happening?
And what are we going to learn from this? And then finally, what are our commitments in the future to ensuring this doesn’t happen? So there’s the outward facing ownership of this that the team leader would have to do or the individual leader.
But then there’s also this like private, confidential reflection that should happen with the team so that they can also take the correct level of onus and make new commitments. And sometimes those may result in some folks leaving the team. And that’s OK.
That can be part of recovery sometimes that people aren’t going to align to the path forward. It’s OK for them to choose differently. And so also, I think the opportunity as executives then to reflect, if this was more of a personal shortcoming, man, that’s a tougher one, because I think our ability to reflect is limited.
And so let me give you an example of what I mean by that. We once had an executive who just kept making, I would say, committing like relationships sin after sin, like just could not seem to operate from a place of health enough emotionally that he was able to keep his peer relationships in check. And you only get to make so many apologies when you are unkind or cruel, as is the example here with this executive.
And so his ability, if I were to challenge him then to say, why don’t you self reflect on what keeps going wrong here? That guy’s going to hit walls, right? Like he was still in a place of they just don’t get it.
I am not the problem. So it is sometimes helpful to have an outside party to help you reflect on what’s not going well. This is often where a coach can be helpful, right?
Someone who can hold up the mirror and speak on behalf of our other stakeholders and say, kindly guide this individual to understand, like, you are the source of the problem. It is your behavior that is causing the missteps. And the apologies are running out.
So what now? And they may require a certain other intervention. So a different executive who was in a similar spot was a head of sales, an executive over sales, and got a ton of runway because he was pumping out millions and millions in sales every year.
And so he got a lot of runway to make these relationship mistakes until he was out of runway. He was so valuable to the organization, the organization wanted to invest in psychotherapy for him as a last ditch effort to help this person develop emotional skills and to work with the anger issues that he had. So that was his particular issue.
And it took more than just himself to reflect and understand how he was going to recover from his mistakes. And that started in his case with the CEO that was helping to say, look, you can be a star performer all day, but we’re done handing out the passes on the behavior. And while I need your revenue so bad, I will not have you treating people like that in our culture.
And so that tough love helped this particular executive understand what it is they needed to learn from their misstep and be able to overcome that. As I’ve watched executives recover from missteps over the years, the ability to move on and for stakeholders to move on varies a lot. So for those who work in cultures that are extremely values-rooted, the forgiveness tends to be handed out, especially for an exec who, you know, wasn’t maybe a relational violation or it’s not someone who makes repeated offenses or has repeated huge mistakes.
You can move on pretty quickly. Sometimes just acknowledging it is enough for the culture and for your stakeholders to move on, but not always. You know, for those folks who I cited as examples who had just created repeated relationship violations, it took a lot of time because what they’re looking for is improvement over time and that they are going to do what they said they were going to do.
That doesn’t come with perfection, right? So the person I mentioned who had anger issues and the other person I mentioned who just was the source of the problem in multiple relationships, they’re not going to change overnight. That’s impossible for any of us.
So they had to set realistic expectations around what change would look like and ask for some grace as they tried to change their own behavior. So I do think recovering from an instance of a misstep can be easier than mea culpa on I have repeatedly violated norms or relationships. That can be a little different.
I think that some signs that recovery is happening and that you’re moving on from your mistake at a team level is that the team is engaged. There may be even new energy in the room. They may be more vitalized than they’ve been in a long time, and they may not.
They may be really quiet and not very energized. And I would say that that’s a sign that there’s going to need to be more healing, more conversation and more trust building. Silence in the workplace is a signal.
It’s a loud one, ironically. When you’re in a room with a team who is shut down or not speaking or not answering the question you ask rhetorically in the room or otherwise ask a question, it’s the sign that something’s wrong. And if it’s coming right after some kind of mistake or apology tour, it’s a sign that more conversations may need to be had.
And I think in those cases, you can have private conversations with key opinion leaders in the room to just say, hey, the room was really quiet. Is this related to what we just had to discuss or is this related to the mistake we’re trying to overcome? What’s your sense of what’s happening in the room?
Because you may not be the person that’s going to get the truth from a group, but you have at least a couple people who may be able to be honest about what they think is happening. So like I said, a lot of times it’s one and done. You own the thing.
People will respect you for it. You may come out shinier than you were to begin with. I mean, I’ve seen that happen so many times.
It’s so beautiful. But if it’s not, it’s going to be a work in progress to rebuild trust. I’ve said this so many times in other podcast episodes on other topics, but I’ll say it here too because it applies.
The practice of doing this at work should be no different than the practice of doing this in your personal life. And when we’re in healthy relationships, we have to apologize sometimes to our children. We have to apologize sometimes to our partners and our friends and our relatives and ask for forgiveness or ask for some space and grace.
And the way we do that in our personal lives kind of looks similar to how we do it at work. And it requires the same amount of vulnerability and kindness to ourselves in the hope that we get that back from others when we have to recover from something at home. It’s really no different.
So I say that because I think it’s a valuable mindset to have that as we develop that relationship skill and the ability to recover at work, it’ll translate to our personal lives. And if we’re already really good at this in our relationships and our personal lives, it’ll be easier to go do it at work. So as you prepare, potentially, to recover from something, you may have never had to do this at work, but I would encourage you to reflect on times you’ve had to do it in your personal life and draw strength and learning from that as you go into your workplace to have to do something similar.
Final thoughts
So if you’ve made a mistake, small or significant, remember recovery is part of leadership. What matters most isn’t perfection, it’s how you show up after things go wrong. Own it, learn from it, repair relationships when needed, and keep moving forward with clarity and care.
This work isn’t easy, but the way you recover can deepen trust, strengthen your relationships, and model resilience for everyone around you. Let it be part of your recovery. Let it be part of your growth story.
So with that, I hope we’ve expanded your mind about what could be possible with executive coaching. I would always love to hear back from you. If you have challenges to this information, if you have more questions about how to find a great coach.
Otherwise, keep doing your great work out there, and we’ll see you in the next episode.
